3 Unforgettable Lessons from Jesus About Handling Religious Narcissists

Religious narcissists may appear deeply spiritual, showing up at prayer meetings, quoting scripture, or even teaching the Bible. However, despite their outward displays of devotion, their behavior often reveals a different story. Narcissists are driven by a need for constant admiration, and in a religious context, this can be even more damaging. They use their spiritual facade to manipulate others, creating a toxic environment under the guise of faith.
In this article, we will explore what Jesus himself said about religious narcissists. We will dive into a particular passage from the Bible in Matthew 23, where Jesus addresses the hypocrisy of the religious leaders of his time and offers three unforgettable lessons on how to deal with similar individuals in our lives.

Understanding the Religious Narcissist

A religious narcissist is someone who professes to love God and outwardly appears deeply committed to their faith. They may have a profound understanding of scripture and participate in religious activities, but underneath the surface, they are arrogant, entitled, and exploitative. They often lack empathy and see themselves as superior to others. Their primary motivation is not to serve God or people, but to gain admiration and control.
One of the key traits of narcissists is their inability to regulate negative emotions. They are often fueled by anger, hatred, and envy—emotions that are always simmering beneath the surface. These dark triad traits were also evident in the religious leaders during Jesus’ time. Their contempt for Jesus grew as his popularity rose, and they ultimately sought to eliminate him because they envied the admiration he received from the people.

What Jesus Said About Religious Hypocrisy

In Matthew 23, Jesus delivers a powerful rebuke to the religious leaders of his day. He speaks to his disciples and the crowds, exposing the hypocrisy and toxic behaviors of the Pharisees. Through this passage, Jesus offers us key insights into dealing with religious narcissists.

1. “Do What They Say, But Not What They Do”

Jesus opens by acknowledging that the religious leaders may say the right things, but their actions don’t align with their teachings. He says, “Do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do, for they preach but do not practice.” This is a crucial point. A religious narcissist may have sound teachings or quote scripture accurately, but their behavior is often manipulative and self-serving.
Their words may appear to hold value, but their actions reveal their true intentions. Religious narcissists use words as tools to control others and elevate themselves, often disregarding the very principles they preach. Jesus calls this out, warning people to listen to the truth but avoid following the example of these hypocrites.

2. “They Tie Up Heavy Burdens, But Won’t Lift a Finger to Help”

Jesus goes on to say that religious narcissists place heavy burdens on others, expecting them to follow strict rules and religious practices, but they themselves do not follow those standards. They impose unattainable expectations on people while offering no help or support.
He gives an example, saying that they meticulously tithe even the smallest part of their income but neglect the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. This hypocrisy is a hallmark of religious narcissists. They are preoccupied with outward appearances, focusing on minor rules while ignoring the core values of love, compassion, and humility. Their emphasis on performance is a reflection of their need for control and validation.

3. “Everything They Do Is for Show”

Jesus further points out that religious narcissists are obsessed with their image. He says, “They do all their deeds to be seen by others.” They want to appear godly and spiritual, but their true motive is to receive praise and admiration from others.
These individuals often showcase their religious activities—praying loudly, fasting publicly, and flaunting their charitable works. Their spirituality is a performance meant to win admiration and elevate their status within the community. Jesus condemns this behavior, emphasizing that true spirituality comes from a humble heart, not from seeking the approval of others.

How Jesus Instructs Us to Respond

After exposing the hypocrisy of the religious leaders, Jesus gives three clear instructions on how to respond to such individuals.

1. Avoid Seeking Titles and Honor

Jesus warns his followers not to fall into the same trap of pride and self-importance. He says, “Do not let people call you Rabbi,” meaning, don’t seek titles or positions of authority for the sake of admiration. Narcissists are obsessed with titles and honor, but Jesus encourages us to focus on serving others rather than seeking status.
By avoiding the pursuit of recognition and honor, we protect ourselves from developing the same narcissistic tendencies that drive religious leaders to manipulate and control others.

2. Look to God, Not Hypocritical Leaders

Jesus tells the crowd not to call anyone on earth “father” or “teacher,” emphasizing that our ultimate spiritual guidance should come from God and Jesus Christ. When we encounter hypocritical or abusive religious leaders, it’s essential to remember that our relationship with God is personal and not dependent on human authority.
This doesn’t mean rejecting all spiritual leadership, but it does mean being discerning about who we follow. True spiritual leaders should exhibit humility, love, and integrity, not arrogance and manipulation.

3. Cultivate Humility and a Servant’s Heart

Finally, Jesus says, “The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” In contrast to the pride and self-promotion of religious narcissists, Jesus calls us to embrace humility and a servant’s heart.
By focusing on serving others and walking in humility, we align ourselves with God’s will. Narcissists may seek to elevate themselves, but Jesus teaches that true greatness comes from serving others with love and humility.

Conclusion: A Call to Wisdom and Discernment

Religious narcissists may be skilled at hiding behind a mask of piety, but Jesus’ words offer us a clear path to discern their true nature. He reminds us not to be swayed by their outward displays of spirituality and to remain focused on cultivating our relationship with God. We are called to serve others humbly and reject the toxic pursuit of titles, honor, and control.
I recently found inspiration from someone with a similar experience to mine, which has helped me gain clarity. If you’re interested, I encourage you to check out this YouTube video for more insights: 3 UNFORGETTABLE Things Jesus Said You Should Do When You Encounter Religious Narcissists.