7 Phrases Narcissists Use to Excuse Their Behavior and Keep Control

Dealing with a narcissist in a relationship can be emotionally exhausting. Narcissists often use manipulative tactics to excuse their bad behavior and maintain control over their partners or others in their lives. These behaviors are frustrating and confusing, leaving you questioning yourself and your reality. In this article, I will discuss seven common phrases narcissists use to shift blame and keep you under their influence, along with ways to recognize and respond to these manipulations.

1. “It’s All Your Fault”

One of the most common phrases narcissists use to excuse their actions is blaming you for everything. Whether they have yelled, lied, or cheated, they will shift the responsibility onto you, saying, “I only did this because you made me.” This is a classic example of blame-shifting. Narcissists cannot accept responsibility for their own behavior, so they place the burden on you.
It’s essential to understand that no matter what the narcissist says, their actions are not your fault. Each individual is responsible for their own behavior, but narcissists avoid accountability at all costs. If you have experienced this in a relationship, remember that their bad behavior is not a reflection of you—it’s a reflection of them.

2. “You’re Crazy and Jealous”

Narcissists often try to discredit your feelings by calling you “crazy” or “jealous.” This tactic is especially common when they are being questioned about suspicious activities, such as cheating or disappearing without explanation. Instead of addressing your concerns, they turn the focus on you, making you defend yourself.
By labeling you as crazy or jealous, the narcissist avoids answering legitimate questions, creating confusion and self-doubt. In reality, a healthy relationship involves open communication and trust. If someone constantly dismisses your feelings, it’s a red flag that they are trying to manipulate you.

3. “Good Luck Replacing Me”

Another manipulation tactic narcissists use is making you feel like you won’t find anyone better. They might say things like, “Good luck finding someone who will put up with you,” or “You’ll never find someone like me.” This is a way of lowering your self-worth and convincing you that they are doing you a favor by being in your life.
In reality, the opposite is true. If you hear this from a narcissist, a good response is, “Thank goodness! I don’t want anyone like you.” They lack the ability to see their flaws and assume they are irreplaceable, but recognizing their toxic behavior is the first step to breaking free from their control.

4. “Oh, Here We Go Again”

When you try to address issues or bring up recurring problems, a narcissist might dismiss your concerns with, “Oh, here we go again,” or roll their eyes, acting like you’re the one bringing up old, irrelevant issues. They might say, “I thought we already resolved this,” even though the same behavior continues.
This tactic is designed to make you question whether you’re overreacting. In reality, you’re not bringing up old problems—you’re addressing ongoing issues. Narcissists use this phrase to avoid taking responsibility, hoping you will drop the subject altogether.

5. “I’ve Never Had This Problem with Anyone Else”

A narcissist might try to convince you that you’re the only one who has ever had issues with them. They’ll say, “I’ve never had this problem with any of my exes,” or “Nobody else in my life treats me like this.” This is a form of triangulation, where they compare you to others to make you feel inferior.
They want to establish a hierarchy, putting someone else at the top and you at the bottom. Don’t fall for this trick. Every relationship is unique, and just because they claim to have no issues with others doesn’t mean they aren’t being just as toxic elsewhere.

6. “You’re Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing”

When you confront a narcissist about a serious issue, such as dishonesty or infidelity, they may respond with, “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.” This phrase is intended to downplay the situation and make you feel like you’re overreacting.
While it’s true that people sometimes overreact, narcissists use this phrase to avoid dealing with important relationship problems. If you’re upset about something significant and your partner dismisses it as unimportant, it’s a tactic to avoid addressing their bad behavior.

7. “Your Actions Are Hurting Other People”

When a narcissist senses they are losing control over you, they might try to guilt-trip you by involving others. They could say, “Your actions are hurting your family,” or “You’ve upset so many people by cutting me off.” They know you care about others and will use that against you to regain control.
This is a form of emotional blackmail, designed to make you feel guilty for setting healthy boundaries. The narcissist doesn’t actually care about the well-being of others; they are simply using them to manipulate you. Don’t fall for it—maintaining your boundaries is the key to protecting your mental health.

Conclusion: Recognize and Break Free from Manipulation

Narcissists are skilled at using manipulation and emotional abuse to excuse their behavior and maintain control. By recognizing these common phrases and understanding their tactics, you can better protect yourself from their influence.
If you’ve experienced any of these phrases or tactics, know that you are not alone. Many people have gone through similar experiences. It’s important to trust your instincts, set firm boundaries, and distance yourself from toxic individuals.
For more insight on how narcissists manipulate and what you can do to break free, I highly recommend watching this video: 7 Things Narcissists Say to Excuse Their Behavior and Keep You Under Control. It’s time to reclaim your sense of self and move forward with confidence.